The stubbornness of adolescence, married with the freedom of freshman year at a large state university, found itself in a small Eastern Philosophy classroom. A tectonic shift from 400-seat lecture halls to the intriguing perspective of a slender bald man in an intimate 30-person lounge. His jeans were so wrinkled, it was as if he was conducting a social experiment to see if anyone noticed, while he went about his discourse.
He placed a chair on the table in the front of the class and said, “What is this?”
The room’s eyes swayed between each other and the chair with confusion, “A chair.”
He invited the following perspective: “Well, when did it become a chair?” He paused for two breaths and followed with, “When it was assembled into a pattern by which we recognize it as a chair. Wouldn’t you say then, that we, therefore, gave birth to its ‘chair-ness’?”
Elaborating existentially, he said, “If we, the viewer, or knower, give the chair its ‘chair-ness’, do we exist independently from one another, or is it the union of us, the knower, and the chair, the field, that exists?”
“Do we experience this world, or are we experience itself?”
He proclaimed, “Do we exist independently from the objects of the sensual world that we experience, or is existence itself the union of the two? Do we experience this world, or are we experience itself?”
This was the first day of the rest of my life.
While the rest of the room stared blankly toward the professor, my vision turned inward to a highlight reel of the experiences that made up 18-year-old me. At this moment, I realized, I am experience. So, the diversity and depth of my experiences are the fullness of my life.
My wish… is that this can be the first day of the rest of your life.
The Invitation to Live Fully
Think of diversity as the breadth and present-moment awareness of subtle and sometimes extremely intense feelings of whatever you’re going through at the moment, as the depth. This is an invitation to lean in to life—and know—you always have a choice. You can become who you choose to be, live where you want to live, and pursue what you really want to do, right now.
Change careers. Ask the crush to coffee. Tell people what they mean to you. Start the business. Use discomfort as a guide for what to move toward. The depth and diversity of your experiences do not take sides. The intensity and breadth of both the good and the bad create fullness. Here are the five steps you can take today to live a more fulfilling and full life:
Five Steps to Live a Full Life
1. Say yes
Not to what everyone asks of your time and energy. Say yes to invitations to step out of your comfort zone. Join a sports club for something you’ve never done or never been good at. Join the book club even if you “don’t read.” Take the meeting, no matter how long you’ve been in your current role. The universe is constantly offering you avenues to expand. It’s time to start noticing—and accepting—those offers.
2. Consciously dedicate time and effort to core relationships
The diversity and depth of your experiences are multiplied by the number of meaningful connections you get to share them with. I’m not talking about the number of contacts you have; I’m referring to the people you know who would pick up the phone if you called in the middle of the night. Set reminders to call them. Start traditions to stay in touch regardless of distance or the busyness of life. Send them a card with your gratitude. Be intentional about this, and don’t forget the relationship with yourself.
3. Get quiet and take back control of your attention
It’s impossible to notice subtle invitations to expand if you’re constantly living in some future or dwelling in the past. Take time to practice mindfulness and exercise control of your attention (take your mind to the gym). After being intentional and making this a consistent practice, you’ll be in awe of the number of invitations you have been missing, and grateful for your new sight in our ever-more distracting world.
Check out this resource from HelpGuide to learn about the many benefits of practicing mindfulness.
4. Invest in commitments to yourself and seek support
There’s no better way to signal to your subconscious that it’s time for change than placing a bet on yourself. Whether you’re hiring a coach, going back to school, investing in a business venture, or joining a club sports team, look at the investment as how much you’re willing to bet on your expansion, not how much it costs. If the investment value matches the perceived expansion in your fullness of life, pull the trigger.
5. Don’t worry
I don’t want your worry. I want your faith. Worry is like praying to the devil. Just assess the risks, be thoughtful, choose, prepare the best you can, move forward, and don’t worry! If needed, play out the worst-case scenario in your mind. Is it really that bad? If the business fails, will you really never be able to get another good job? If she says she’s not into you, will you really never meet your person? Stop catastrophizing and shoot your shot.
“Worry is like praying to the devil.”
Conclusion
I hope this in some way catalyzes your first step toward creating the life you want. You always have a choice, no matter your circumstances. The momentum of true progress builds from your decision.
So, what do you decide to make of your experience today?
Ready to turn your fullness into fulfilling work?
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John Marshall is an Integrative Leadership & Career Design Coach. He helps professionals and decision-makers create balance, resilience, and fulfillment through conscious leadership and career design. His coaching firm, Humessence, helps organizations build the human skills that drive business performance and create culture.